Besides the traveling around Ecuador and preparing to serve with Inca Link in Peru, a large part of my mental space is currently occupied with the question of admission to graduate schools. This fall, I applied to seven (7) master's programs in speech-language pathology. The application process was stressful, as the steps to achieve the goal of admission are somewhat unclear. What are grad schools looking for, exactly? What's important to include in a personal statement? How do I balance professionalism with unique personal qualities? Submitting the applications was nearly nerve-wracking enough to produce a panic attack. There is no going back now... Waiting for results is an entirely different kind of stress; there is nothing to do but wait and wonder.
Fortunately for me, I've been a world away from my potential life as a graduate student, so usually the thoughts keep quiet deep in the recesses of my subconscious mind. At least, they did until recently, when the estimated time of result arrival drew near. Because the applications are now online, the results are also available online. I've been checking periodically only to find the same status: submitted, under review.
Until yesterday.
I received an email notifying me that my admission status to the University of Minnesota was available. Oh god, I thought, simultaneously filled with excitement and dread in anticipation of what that admittance letter would read. The U is one of my preferred programs and admits only 25 students each year. I expected to be either thrilled by "yes" or devastated by "no."
I was neither thrilled nor devastated. I was wait-listed. Neither yes nor no, middle of the road, not offered admission but there is still the chance that I could be offered admission if someone else denies the offer. I'm a viable candidate but just not quite impressive enough to make the first string.
While my initial response was disappointment, I mostly feel confused about how to feel. I wasn't accepted, but neither have I been definitively rejected. Ok, so I still might not get in, or I might get in after all. More waiting. The other confusing part is that I can't gauge my chances with other programs based on these results. Is it a good sign or a bad sign? I wouldn't really be able to know about other programs based on this one anyway, but it's just confusing.
All I know is that if I don't hear from the other schools soon, I may very well develop a compulsive checking disorder in the meantime.
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